Nov. 5th, 2010

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It occurred to me while walking home today that a lot of the things that women find objectionable about the behaviors and complaints of self-identified Nice Guys are the same things that men stereotypically find objectionable about women.

"I've always been there for her! But she never notices me! When will she see what's right under her nose?" is pretty much the same thing as when a woman expects a man to read her subtle signals of interest, and then is peeved that he never notices her lingering 0.5s longer than usual when telling him goodbye. I can't speak for whether or not this actually occurs, but it's a complaint I've heard multiple times. It's also the same principle as, say, rearranging your fridge and expecting your roommate to understand that you want her to wash the dishes, except so much higher-stakes.

Obsessing about how much he loves her: Extreme clingyness is equally frightening in both genders, but tends to be thought of as a thing women do. It's not just them.

Relatedly, the idea of a high-maintenance girlfriend. Again, terminal insecurity goes both ways, and a high-maintenance boyfriend is just as bad. If the slightest thing hurts him, it's easiest to just stop dealing with that and move on to some other, less high-maintenance boyfriend.

That's all I've got for now, and it's deliberately written to focus only on behaviors, not beliefs or misogyny. I might be talking about a strawman here, but I don't think so. Also, I realize that this focuses entirely on heterosexual people; as far as I know, the queer community isn't afflicted with a plague of neckbeards.

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aliaras

July 2011

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